And if you need a friend
by phandomlimb
Summary: They say weddings can be dramatic, but in Dalilas case is after her wedding with her best friend Jude when everything really explodes. ((Full prompt inside)) read the prompt request and notes first and then decide if you want to read it. In case you could have some triggers that I didn't mention on the tags. Be safe, people!
1. Chapter 1

Full Prompt:  
(by crazy_phanatic) Could it be about phan and dalia maybe her wedding and some family drama between Dan and his mom I don't know just playing through that situation in my mind. Maybe dalia is uncomfortable in her body and she only had one friend who gets it and so do her dad of course but then she marries that friend and at first there might be some trigger till Dan and Phil find out maybe like she cutting and wrapping her chest dressing like a guy at least until Dan and Phil find out and help her Change?

A/N: Thanks for the prompt! I may or may not omitted the self harm because is kinda a big deal for me to write it. Sorry? (Although we don't get to that on this chapter) But I think I got everything else you, crazy_phanatic, asked for. So I hope you like it! ^-^

So I wrote on Dalila's POV, at least this chapter 'cause the second I started in Dan's. Dal is a fictional character and that means anything about this isn't real (although I want Jude to be real cuz he's cute :b)

(that was my disclaimer)

Also, because Dalila is the narrator I make her call Dan 'dad' and Phil 'phater' so we all could differentiate them. But really, can you imagine if they have a kid and they (as in the kid) call them (as in dan and phil) that because is they initials at the beginning and… "No, he is my dad and he is my phater… with ph" aaaaaaahh… So cuteeeee!

*takes a moment to calm down*

Enjoy your reading!

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 **And if you need a friend..**

(Dalila POV)

I don't know how, when or why it started.  
Was it for a comment someone said?  
Was it when I was a kid? A teenager?  
Was it because I have always known it is true?

I shake my head, as it to clean my mind. _No, not today._ I said to myself as I try concentrated on other things, like the way the water trickles down the window or the sound of Muse old song that plays through the car's speakers or how my Dad is talking to me about – wait, "What?" I wonder at loud.

"Manners." reprimands my grandma, who is sitting beside me on the car.

I'm about to correct myself when I see on the rearview mirror how my dad rolls his brown eyes and, ignoring his mother, he repeats. "You don't want that dress, right? I mean, I think you should pick one with more… fabric? Like, it would look better. Not that you wouldn't look good in that one, you always look beautiful, but–"

"You are rambling again, love." Say my phater with a chuckle. I laugh too, because is kind of cute when dad does that.

I look at the picture of the dress he is talking about on the wedding magazine grandma has on her lap and, thankfully, a groan stays on my throat. "Uhmm.. I guess I'll have to try it on and see." I say, hopping that answer pleases everyone. That's what I always do.

"Helpfully they don't have it on the shop…" Dad mumbles, shearing a wink with me by the mirror making me chuckle.

It's not that the dress is ugly, but it's… too much. Or less, if you are Dan Howell describing it. ( _Seriously, didn't they have more fabric?_ ) It's strapless with a heart-shape neckline and really tight everywhere except knees and down. I guess is what people call "siren form" and I decide it's not my type. I'm not Ariel.

"Do you want to show them?" asks the blonde assistant of the bridal-dress shop. Surely she can tell am debuting because she adds with a smile, "It looks pretty on you."

And I know it suppose to be a good thing, a compliment, but it only made me self-conscious. _What am I doing? I don't like this, don't like dresses at all… even if the look pretty on me._ I look at my reflection on the enormous mirror in front of me… _maybe it could work. It is pretty._

'The dress, not you.' Says a voice in my head. And really, who am I kidding? I wouldn't look pretty even in a two thousand pounds dress.

I catch Maddy's (that's the name her tag reads) eyes on the mirror, put my thoughts aside and nod, "Yes, I'll do it."

We walk out of the room to where my parents and grandma are waiting. It's difficult, I realize, walk with this type of dress. Is tight but not the tight-jeans kind of way, is more a my-legs-are-tied-together-please-help way. And I decide for the second time that this is not what I want to buy.

"And?" my phater asks after a couple of minutes of silence.

"I don't know… it feels weird." _Please let me take it off!_

"Do you wan– "

"I think you look beautiful!" grandma says, a big smile in her face and not even aware of dad's grumpy face for being interrupted.

"Thanks…" I mumble, bringing my left hand to hold my right arm, covering my stomach. 'You need to stop eating junk food.'

"You always do." Both of my fathers say at the same time and I smile, although they can't really see it because I'm looking down. _This carpet is so interesting._

Maddy chuckles and with a polite smile she offers, "You can try other one if you want."

And we do it. More than once actually, and I manage to find a problem with all of the dresses. Well, that part of me that is always conscious of the way I look.

Being honest, this problem is mostly that the clothes are tight, with low necklines, lacy, pearls and big skirts. They make inevitable to show more skin that I normally do with my jeans and t-shirts. They shape my body in the way my hoodies always cover. They bring attention to me, making me want to hide behind my dad's legs like when we went to Disneyland and I was afraid of Goofy.

They make me feel anxious.

I look at my reflection on the mirror on the changing room. My blue eyes look crystalline for the tears that are treating to fall, and although I can't see myself shaking (which I know I'm probably am) I can see my thorax moving really fast for my hard breathing.

Trying to control it before Maddy gets back, I take a big breath through my nose and hold it.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Fi- I let the air out of my body as I exhale when I hear my phone ringing. It's a message from Jude, I notice, recognizing the ring ton.

"How is the dress haunting going? lol"

"Not that good." I type, also adding a "lol" at the end… ironically.

But the thing about Jude is that even by text message he knows when it's a legit 'lol'. So it's not really a surprise that his next text reads: "You don't have to buy a dress, you know. It wouldn't be a problem if you decide to wear pj's… if you're comfortable, (and used your bighero 8 ones), you would look just as wonderful J"

A smile makes its way to my lips without meaning to do it. That's other thing I really love about Jude, that he always know what to say, he is good at reading and comforting me. And that's why he is my boyfriend (fiancé, actually) but mostly my best friend since we were twelve.

Maybe it sound like a cliché (a bit stupid, also) but sometimes, even when I don't get myself, Jude does. And I couldn't be more grateful for having him in my life.

"Not a bad idea, but grandma wouldn't approve." I text him, getting back to reality and into my self-pity state where I can't help but feel like even if I spend the next ten days on the store I won't be able to find a dress that I can wear and look as good as the mannequin does.

"We don't even need to have a wedding if you don't want to."

I know he is trying to help, and it isn't as if I really don't want all of what the ceremony includes. Because I'm as stereotypical as that, and I want a celebration with my prince charming where we tell how much we love each other in front of our families and friends, a big cake that hopefully doesn't end all in our clothes and a first dance as an officially-official-couple.

I also gave memories from the first year we met when he said he wanted that exact thing; a beautiful, romantic wedding, a lovely family and a cute dog named Fred.

"Thanks. But I do, we'll just probably have to postpone it until next year when I'm able to find a dress xD" I type back, adding a little humor because I don't feel as bad as ten minutes ago after thinking on my future with Jude.

"Or we can do it this weekend on our pj's xD"

"Or we can do that haha"

I'm smiling at my phone when Maddy comes back with what I feel is the fifty dress, and I really start thinking on just drop everything and go on my big hero pajamas. They are cool enough for that.

* * *

TBC...  
Did you like it? what do you think about it? Go to my askbox and tell me, pwease? Any kind of feedback is always welcome.

You can also request something if you want *wink wink*

I did write phan before ( phandomlib on tumblr!)

Thanks for reading and see ya' soon with the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter after so long wow. (I thought I had posted this last week but no lol with my life) Is a bit short (explanation at the end) but I think is good that way. Also, I just got out of a writer block (thanks for the comments on the last one ) so bear with me pls.

Enjoy your reading!

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 **Existential crisis and something alike**

(Dan's POV)

They say depression is hereditary. There are documentaries, books and psychologist talking about it. And it's not as if I have ever gone with a specialist and prove that /the existential crisis/ are episodes of depression or something alike. Or as of Dalila has even my blood, for that matter. But, the simple thought of her dealing with the same thing terrifies me.

After all, Phil is always saying we are alike.

And yet when I love how sarcastic she is, I do not want my daughter going through an existential crisis or depression.

We don't talk about it, not directly, at least. (We are also as bad at expressing our feelings) but. I've always know when she is having "a moment", as she calls it.

I know that when she worries her lip between her teeth, wraps her right arm around herself and plays with the hem of her clothes with her other hand, that she is thinking to much. Thinking about the how's and when's and why's about life.

Thinking about how bad she looks when she sees herself in the mirror because… I don't know why she thinks that, to be honest. But even when she doesn't say it I know that my theory is true. Especially when I complement her with a "You're beautiful enough, you don't need a big sparkly dress to look good" and she still has that look on her blue eyes. A sad look that says she wants to believe me but just can't.

But besides that I earn a shy smile from Dalila and a look of 'stop talking; let me choose her dress' from my mother who is sitting next to me. I don't even know why we incited her… Oh right! We didn't. She just incited herself.

Typical.

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TBC...  
SO. This is definitely shorter, but I didn't really wanted to extend this one more, you know, just letting Dan's thought out and stuff. I think I'm jumping the wedding (as in not doing a chapter specifically for it) but I'm working in the next one right one and we will get to know more about Dal and Jude's relationship *^* (he is cute, I promise and you gonna like him… I hope.)

Anyways. The author note is longer than the chapter lol. Tell me your thoughts and all, okay? Any kind of feedback is always welcome.

You can also request something if you want *wink wink*

I did write phan before (xx)

Thanks for reading and see ya' soon with the next chapter!


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